I have recently been in hospital with a flare up of Crohn's disease. I was diagnosed over ten years ago now , although I think I had it undiagnosed for many years before then . One thing I have learnt though , is , for me alcohol numbs my positivity. 

I am quite positive by nature , and sometimes I need to give myself a talking to and just get on . Over the last 18 months my Crohns has been quite unstable actually. Literally a pain in the backside ! So I have had three hospital admissions. 

I can't drink alcohol now , or very much as my condition is too unstable. But I know , 100 % fact , I find it so easier to look on the bright side of life now wine isn't a big feature. Wine for me steals my sparkel. It steals my zest for life . It means I am more likely to feel gloomy . 

When you first stop drinking it is so easy to think your depression or anxiety will get worse. Do you know what , most of the time it does not. It gets better. 

Alcohol and mental health are not a good combo. alcohol and crohns disease are not a good combo. 

But whether physical or mental health issues, then we all need to nurture ourselves and look after ourselves as best we can . 

We have one life.

We deserve the best quality we can have .

Alcohol will never add to the quality.

For me , the fight to be well , is mainly about my mental health . I need a positive attitude. I need to feel grateful. I need believe in me , my IBD team , my amazing body . But I need to help my body and mind as much as I kind.

I love my life. I am thankful for my life and I am thankful does not control me xx

Sugar and Spice and all things nice ......... 

Often , when we reduce alcohol or stop drinking altogether we crave sugar . This is something that is very normal and does pass. 

Let me just repeat that , It DOES pass. I know the advice I always give is deal with one thing at once. So , does it really matter if  you eat a chocolate bar if you say no to the glass of wine ? 

That said though , it can be crippling for people , it can lead to a fall back to the bottom of the bottle. Nobody wants to give up drinking alcohol and find themselves feeling over weight , unattractive and out of control . It is so important when going sober we get to see the benefits and cravings for food can get in the way .

Lets look at why we crave sugar then in sobriety . 

When you have a drink of alcohol , it causes the brain to release dopamine which causes us to feel good. When we stop drinking alcohol , our very clever brains start to try and find this feel good chemical elsewhere. The nearest place to find it is through sugar . Our bodies and minds know that through eating/drinking high sugar content we can get the same hit . Sugar is also like alcohol , in that over time , it requires more to reach the same high ! 

Another reason we crave sugar may be that there is a lot of sugar in alcohol ! So we miss the sugar content . We are trying to replace it.

There is no magic wand , and honestly , I would rather you reach for a bag of sweets than reach for a drink. There are a few things you can do to help yourself .

1/ Drink lots and lots of water. 

It sounds so obvious but when we give up the booze our bodies are dehydarted. Being dehydrated causes sugar cravings , so drink lots of plain water. It aids our bodies and mind to recover .

2/ Exercise 

Sounds boring and simple and it is ! But it helps our minds release feel good factors and helps us to feel happier. Start small, a twenty minute walk round the block . 

3/ Food 

Is so important. Eat for health and recovery . Definately do not diet at this time , but focus on health . Lots of healthy fats , nuts and seeds and proteins. eat three meals a day and snack . Fruits contain natural sugar , ok its not the same as a piece of chocolate cake , but its going to give you a sugar hit non the less .

4/ Distract yourself 

Do something with your hands, anything .People often complain of boredom when giving up alcohol so do something to take your mind off the biscuit tin .

5/ Meditate . 

There is so many mediations and there are meditations on cravings. Practice , try  . 

Remember , be kind to yourself . It will pass . It will get better . You are doing the most wonderful thing , going sober . That is to be celebrated , You got this.

Much love Jo xx

I was talking to a group of mummies at my daughters  school on Friday afternoon and it got me thinking. 

The conversation was very much about wine , namely getting home and what time was it acceptable to open the wine . The theory being mummies need wine . If they can survive the day , get the kids to bed , then wine is earnt and deserved .

Where did this come from ? I was thinking back to days gone by when mummies were readily given tranquilizers as mummies little helpers . The damage that occurred and they just stopped mummies knowing they were stressed and struggling . 

I don't think wine is any better. Apart from numbing the brain and stopping us feel ,mummies new little helper, wine , just switches us off . 

It also gives our children the knowledge that we need to drink wine because they are so difficult to cope with . We need a reward for looking after them .

Is that really the message we want to be giving our precious children ?

I was asking the mums how often they drink and, the ones I were asking , told me most nights. I am not saying all mums drink every night but it does seem to be a common theme . 

Does feeling a bit cotton wool headed in a morning really help us when we are faced with getting the reluctant children out of bed , screaming because we have the wrong cereal or refusing to put their coat on . 

Would these tasks be easier if wine hadn't been consumed the night before ? 

I do not know the answer and I suspect the answer may be different to each set of parents , but it would be interesting as an experiment . 

A week to see if parenting is any easier without wine o clock . Let me your thoughts .

Much love Jo xx

We all have needs , we all have opinions, wants and desires. But we get into the habit of feeding our souls with bad habits, bad relationships, unhelpful thoughts. Life might not be awful, but you might have just got used to feeling unhealthy , tired, groggy , just plodding on. 

We may think not sleeping well is the norm , feeling exhausted , irritable , a bit fed up is the norm. 

We carry on , pouring wine down our necks, saying yes to everything , accepting not being happy in our relationships. We accept putting our needs last , so instead of dealing with them , we drink them , eat them , shop them away . Only they do not go away , they just go quiet for a short while. We feel more and more put upon , less and less happy , but we are not in crisis so we continue this way . Life is too busy to challenge all this , to question it , to realize we deserve better. 

You see , you only get one life , that's it , and so many people live that one special life feeling unhappy , uncontented, with a real lack of joy of in their lives  . It is so sad. 

The course I am currently developing is just 12 weeks , to re focus , recharge , establish joy and love , get your needs met. To feel happy , content and you , once again , get a say in your life. Not only do you get a say , you are in charge of your life ! You get to feed your soul and the get your life back on track .

How about that !!!! 

Change bad habits for good ones, let go of self sabataging , release anxiety and feel the wonderful joy of being you .

much love Jo xxx

Self Soothing , self compassion and self love

As I work with empaths , I often find they have had therapy , they have engaged in alternative therapies , they had tried numerous things , all have usually helped some what . 

What I find though with empaths and sensitive souls , is often the reason they continue to struggle, they just cannot , show themselves love and kindness , the same love and kindness they show others in abundance. The empath will put their own needs to one side for that of a stranger, they will give their last penny away , they will save little energy for their husbands, wives , children as they are tending to others needs . Of course, when their husband , wife , or child needs them they will be there, but they have to be brought back from fixing the neighbour across the street first or the stranger on the bus. 

Often its taking things back to basics , an empath will often say , I don't know what I want or need , do I even know myself ? 

An empath usually needs to take it right back. Lets just start with time out , a bit of radical recharging . Taking stock , taking a breath and just being in their own company . Starting at the very beginning. Sometimes a simple morning ritual helps, setting boundaries always helps .

Often the complicated therapy work is achieved , but its the behaviour changing , the nurturing self is yet to be solved. 

Self love for the empath and sensitive soul is so hard , they have plenty of love to give , usually to others :)

Addiction and being an empath or sensitive soul is not at all unusual . 

As empaths / sensitive souls we feel so deeply , we are hounded by emotions , thoughts and feelings and alcohol can be a place of perceived comfort and escape. 

Alcohol can soften the edges of the world, soften our feelings and generally make everything a bit fussy and more bearable, in the short term. 

Empaths who have not yet learned to manage their wonderful super power and may not even recognise they are an empath can snuggle close into an addiction, trying to feed and comfort their soul and protect their energy . 

It isn't always an addiction to alcohol, it can be anything, gambling, sugar, social media , drugs , shopping . But today , in particular we are addressing alcohol. 

Alcohol is so accessible in the world we live , not only accessible , but actively encouraged. Many many people develop a problem with alcohol, or question their usage as they become sober curious , but for an empath their may be the added dimension of trying to manage other peoples intense feelings . 

When we start drinking too much , even just a small amount per day , this can begin to play havoc with our mental health , anxiety levels and mood. It impacts food choices , sleep , motivation , all the things we need to look after ourselves as empaths . 

The turning point can be the right support in place , helping the empath understand their superpower and learn how to use it. 

The reliance on alcohol can drop away as less of oneself is given away , healthy boundaries are developed and the gift is truly understood .

Sober Curious 

What does Sober Curious actually mean?

It's a term that is banded about and is quite on trend at the moment. 

Its ok to be sober curious. 

It does not mean.

- you are labelling yourself an alcoholic

- you have a problem with booze

-you will never drink again 

-you are committing to anything 

It does mean

- you are curious about what life would be like without booze or a reduced amount of alcohol 

-you are allowed to question your relationship with alcohol even if you do not have a problem with it 

So where do you start if you are sober curious?

I would suggest reading reading and more reading. There are so many good books out there that discuss alcohol and not in a judgmental way or " alcohol is terrible " way, just in a really interesting way. 

My favorite is Annie Grace, This Naked Mind. In this book Annie explores alcohol and the myths that we believe. For example, she examines, does alcohol really help us relax? Will I be boring without alcohol? Do I have to label myself an alcoholic?  

For the empaths and sensitive souls amongst us there is the extra burden of will I feel things even more deeply, and will my mind ever stop?

This is a good place to start in the long list of books that are out there regarding booze.

Listening to podcasts, can help us think about our relationship with alcohol. There are so many out there. My favorite is Sober Awkward. It's such an interest listen and so funny and sad in equal measures. 

Maybe then try and work out when and why you drink. Is it because you are an empath and highly sensitive and never figured out how to manage these feelings and this wonderful gift you have?

Is it because you are bored on an evening or shattered after putting the kids to bed. 

Notice when and where you are when you start to want a drink. Who are you with? Is it the same drink? The same person? the same day?

Then think wishes. If you could have your wish, what would you ideally want your relationship with alcohol to look like? How would that change your life? How would you be different? What is stopping you changing your relationship with alcohol? 

It's a great place to be at the beginning of the sober curious journey. Start there and who knows where it can lead. 

much love Jo xxxx

The wanders of meditation of the empathic mind 

This week I ran my first meditation group. 

It was attended by a group of like-minded, wonderful women, with a magnetic energy. Together we created a safe space to come together, share each other's energies and just be in the moment and be together. It's very powerful. 

I have been thinking so much about empaths, sensitive souls and light workers over the last few weeks as I develop a new programme aimed at this amazing group of people. 

Growing up I was always told I was sensitive; I feel things deeply. I remember there was a boy at school everyone called eczema boy, I remember befriending him and I always used to tie his shoelaces for him.

Being an empath is a delight and without the ability to use it wisely can be a curse. An empath can be easily hurt, easily manipulated, easily drawn in by the narcissist. 

There is so much I have learnt over the years, but it is only in the latter years I have reached peace with who I am and rejoice in it. I have added many tools to my box to help me manage both mental and physical health and mediation is something I will always use. 

It helps me calm and quieten a very active mind. Over time my mind has become quieter always not just in times of meditation. 

I feel compassion and love for others but now also myself. Meditation has helped me reach that wonderful place in my mind.

Meditation is a skill, it doesn't come easily, but let me assure you it is worth persevering with. For the empathic sensitive mind, it is learning to be at one with yourself, and the universe and begin your journey to find inner peace and joy.

Love Jo xxxx

This is often the first thing clients say to me. I am not an alcoholic but maybe I am drinking a bit much . 

Ok , lets explore that . I have found when a client says to me they are not an alcoholic but maybe drinking a bit too much , they are generally drinking quite a lot too much. If there are 11 units in one bottle of wine ( some have more ) , one bottle of wine per night over a week  is at least 77 units. 

Just think about that for a moment, that is HUGE . It really is HUGE .

The term alcoholic is a old fashioned term , I believe we have a culture that is an " alcoholic culture ". Just look at recent party gate with parliment and the MPS. Alcohol , cheese and wine and parties. Alcohol is embedded in the culture there. 

We use alcohol for everything, 

Had a bad day - pour a drink 

Had a great day - pour a drink 

want to celebrate - pour a drink 

Want to get through a children's party - pour a drink 

children go to bed- pour a drink 

cooking dinner -pour a drink 

We as a country are invested in this and Covid only made it worse. People who did not drink at home , now do . there was little to do in lock down and a number of us were struggling with home schooling but alcohol softened the edges just a bit. 

If you don't have to get up to get the kids to school, to drive to work , what does it matter if you drink too much. Over a zoom meeting there is not the stale smell of alcohol and you could disguise the blood shot eyes.

The number of posts I saw about wine o clock becoming earlier and earlier, joking away the damage that alcohol is doing to us. Comparing ourselves with others to justify our own drinking , " everyone does it " , " all my friends drink the same way I do " . Oh that's ok then , carry on drinking to excess , damaging your body .

But is it really a laughing matter ? I am not here to preach , not at all , but drink alcohol mindfully . Know what and how much you are putting into your body . Think about alcohol and your relationship with it. Is it really how you want it to be ?